August 18, 2005
In a meeting with my master, he asked me, Sundar, I hear Jiddu through you, I hear Vivekananda through you, I hear Osho through you, I hear Richard Bach, Kahlil Gibran through you........but where are you?Why don't I ever hear you?
It hit me like a bolt of lightning.precise and focussed.just ripped through my defenses.
I was like a trash can, carrying the burden of so many second hand thoughts and viewpoints.While I could intellectually appreciate some of them, they were not my realities, they were mere concepts.They were "projected ideals", totally disconnected from the reality of my existence.What they expressed was a reality to them, what I am now expressing is a reality to me.
My reality at the time was misery, discontent, resentment,conflict at every step,absolute lack of joy......
and i was running away from it.escaping in the milion activities that kept me engrossed, escaping in intellectual verbose,finding security behind convenient concepts and so on.
It was like all the concepts that I had accumalated were just that , accumalations.They just added to the loads I already had from my various conditionings.
The process got triggered....
Things just started "happening".