We "need" to feel "needed"....and in my opinion, mistake a projection of this need, for love, more often than not...This need finds projection outside through various maskings.
He needs her need of him and she needs his need of her...this would sum up most colloquial relationships....and when this equation gets skewed, heartbreaks occur....A careful balancing of keeping up our "usefulness" in the other's life is what it boils down to when it comes to keeping our relationships intact.
I am not saying it is wrong...it just is..we need to be able to see it for what it is...
We need not condemn ourselves or feel guilty when we compare it with our projected ideals of ourselves.We can grow only in our reality spaces , not in projected ideals tenancy.
Towards addressing this insecurity, we strive to be more beautiful, acquire better degrees, earn more monies, cook better...all to make ourselves useful and more valuable in the yes of the other...This struggle, when we are aware of it, is both humiliating and miserable...makes us lose our self-esteem and centring and lead our lives through the expectaions of others as we see it.
It only enhances our vulnerabilities.
to me, love happens only when we are aware of "our needs"......until then,we relate unconsciously in transactional spaces....to grow in love, the consciousness has to expand until finally the self dissolves and only love remains......it is a state of being..a river in flow....and heartbreaks are blessings in disguise for us to understand the true nature and power of love....heart-breaks are also a manifest of creation's infinite love and compassion to enable our growth.love is not insecure....they are mutually incompatible....it does not know fear..., "my need" experiences insecurity, fear....the fear of losing someone or something....the fear of not gaining something...when we are aware of this insecurity which runs our lives, life will acquire a new hue.It is this insecurity and fear which needs healing which needs to be connected to the source for its dissolution...
Love heals us of our vulnerabilities, makes us grow in self-esteem and confidence.
please note, i do not condemn transactional spaces for what they are, but to avoid misery, it is critical to see things as they are....else, we will be "disillusioned""....
To expand our consciousness in love, to me, is the purpose of our lives, while we do keep addressing our needs as they occur....in awareness