If the boss says he cannot live without you @ work, you are thrilled for his dependency creates a sense of security for you. Similarly, in personal relationships, we enhance the other's need for us through our actions for our own security. We want to be brighter, smarter, sexier,richer etc so that the other depends on us more and more. Every moment, our striving is to increase the dependency quotient of the other on us. And this is miserable, for never is such a moment achieved. It is an eternal struggle between the what is and the what should be, a product of our imagination.
Relationship is an "as is where is" and an "as is how is" phenomenon.It is experiencing and accepting the other just as s/he is, not as we would like to see them.It emerges in our acceptance of ourselves the way we are, unique and validated creations.
We do not need to validate our existence, to re-inforce our "selves". We are not on a stage where our performance is being watched, though we put ourselves in such a situation.The rose is fragrant, it does not try to be.
Caterpillars transform into butterflies in such moments of awarenes and acceptance. Great human artforms are the result.