People enter into relationships mostly as a reaction, on the rebound. It is more to move away from other stifling situations or to keep up with peer pressure. Rachel's boyfriend had moved on and was now dating a different girl. Rachel could not overcome the grief of separation and tried her best to put on a brave face , especially infront of her peers. Her identity was linked to her earlier relationship, howsoever abusive it had become. But a greater hurt was the sense of rejection. Instead of facing the situation head on and completing the cycle of hurt, she latched on to another relationship, as if on a rebound. It was more of an escape from stifling family conditions and her need to be loved and to love.
On a deeper note, man runs from pillar to post begging for love right from childhood. He seeks recognition and acceptance from his parents and tries his best to fulfil their expectations. Later this shifts to teachers, peers, friends etc.Then comes boyfriends or girl friends..Everywhere , the begging continues for love. In Bhagavan's words, he has his NEED for her to need him and she has her NEED for him to need her and these two aspects keep the relationship alive.She keeps on doing things to enhance her need in his life, to increase his dependance on her and he likewise.
The thirst for love remains unquenched in this transactional relationship.
Love can never come to us from another.It is a state of being we have to experience.Our physical , emotional and administrative needs can be addressed in a transactional space , but they will remain that forever. The dull lifeless faces we see all around are the mechanization of such spaces. The first few months of a relationship are flush with physical and other excitement but sadly doomed to boredom very shortly.It does not matter whether one's spouse is Brad Pitt or Demi Moore.
It is intrinsically the attribute of a life incapable of love.
When we are joyous and in a state of love, we can bring that in to spaces we choose to share. It is a quality within us, a state of our being, not a quality of the activity in question.
Infact, such activities only serve to enhance the emptiness within us. We remain miserable beggars. Every attempt to fill the emptiness leads to more emptiness.
To choose to live , rather than exist; man has to discover love.First , he has to become aware of the absence of love in his life.It is an INCAPACITY , not a fault.The mind , which is the guiding force behind our activities of today is intrinsically incapable of love. It is only capable of transacting.It relates out of fear, out of need , out of vulnerability. None of these sitautions get addressed through it's attempt at relating. If at all, all these aspects get heightened.Instead of a liberating experience, man gets sucked into more bondage. the whirlpool of misery becomes a noose and life becomes a suffocation, a compromise.
In any conditionality, that through which we rise also hastens our fall. We rush into relationships as an escape, the same spaces become our nooses.
This , alas , is the tragedy of mankind today. The deadly boredom of stale habit characterizes our intimate relationships. Our efforts at infusing life into them is pathetic.A tree poisoned at the roots can never yield healthy fruit, howsoever attractive the fruit may seem at the surface.
We really have no choice other than address the basic lovelessness within. When we watch that , become aware and live in acceptance, what emerges is love.
Love is not merely about sexual, emotional, administrative and other fulfilments. It is the sense of connectedness to everyone and everything around us.WE do not feel connected to our own parents. In Bhagavan's perception, the malaise starts there and ends there. When this relationship is healed and we discover unconditional love, love manifests every place in our lives.It is not about a specific person or a set of activities we like to share with some one. It is much deeper.
Love is our natural state of being. Love is fearless, not vulnerable. It is liberating , not binding.
Bhagavan humourously says that in todays world when people say they love another , it is only the self which indulges itself and uses the other to fulfil it's need. It has nothing to do with love.
maybe only a few of us would rise to the challenge of rising beyond the mediocrity that has come to characterize our existence, where we are disconnected from one and all; only the needs arising from our unconscious drive us.
And soon leave us dry and drained.......
Love is life, eternally nourishing....
Posts
