SPARE A THOUGHT.....

At the end of winning a rat race, we are still a rat.

August 30, 2005

mind and images....

when we meet or interface with a person, do we really "meet" them or our "images" of them? linda goodman and co. have indicated sufficient patterns in human personalities, but, are they generic guidelines or something more specific. The moment we know a person belongs to a particular sun or moonsign, our associations begin; we "expect" a certain behavioural/personality pattern of the person. However. if we do a random survey of our own friends and acquaintances, while there maybe certain generic similarities, there are also discernible differences.There are so many parameters which influence the life and personality of a person, much of which we are unaware of.
Our perceptions of a person are as good or as bad as our ability to analyse and this includes a dynamic awareness of the assumptions therein and the mental formations and conditionings that color us.

August 26, 2005

Witnessing....

"Witnessing in awareness" is an oft-used term in spiritual parlances.Can we explore into its actual nature....
Most of us are unconscious in our routine everyday lives. We hardly see things around us. We are dead to "experience".Some of us are more aware of a few things, but it accompanied by mindspeak...our judgements.
True witnessing as I have known it is when we see things just as they are and to also be aware of our mindspeak on it. When we see a person, we just dont see him/her. we immediately see the person as "tall" or "short" ; "thin" or "stout". "beautiful" or "ugly", "good" or "bad" and so on....We lose the joy of "experiencing" when we label or judge.


To get into "experiencing" , it is essential to be aware of our mindspeak as we "see".

In everyday life, we would like some , we may not like some.That is our "perception" and it is fine, but we have to be aware of it as a "perception".

Satori etc....

Silence is not the absence of "sound"; it is the absence of "self"

Truth which is not personally authenticated is still untruth.

August 24, 2005

The Oneness University...

I have been often asked in what way the teachings of the various masters are different or varied...they sound similar most of the time.

My understanding is thus....

Concepts abound in the universe. As many people, so many concepts.Some may appeal to us, some don't....

We naturally find a comfort zone in different concepts, dependant on so many parameters.

For me, the difference is in the ability to really experience and to be alive to our truths.

For me , The Oneness University has facilitated this.

It has opened my eyes to the fact that real "experiencing" is our natural state of being. And enabled my journey towards the ability to "experience" in realms beyond my conditioned mind.

i dont think i am still "there" all the time. But I have had moments of rare insights and "experience", very mystical. No judgements, no labels, just pure , unadulterated "experience".

And my observations around the university have shown the vast diversity of ideas and concepts..different emergences...but a common thread, of integrity and oneness...an acceptance of the fact that someone can have a total divergence of view and yet be right from his "perspective". When we see everything as a concept,dependent on assumptions and frame of reference, paradoxes rest at peace.
For me, as I see it today, both an atheist and a believer can be deeply spiritual.....absence of conflict within is the key....

Missing Pa....

Sometimes we are at a loss when people share their griefs with us. Words fail us though we would like to reach out. A friend of mine , once in a while shares how she misses her father terribly. He was a source of inspiration and strength to her.
Anecdotes can be very comforting, like the one below:
Missing Pa
One day, my four-year-old son, Sam, told me that he had seen his baby-sitter crying because she had broken up with her boyfriend. "She was sad," Sam explained to me. Then he sat back in his car seat and sighed. "I've never been sad," he said, dreamily, "Not ever." It was true. Sam's life was happy in no small part because of his special relationship with my father. Last spring my father died, and everything changed for us. Pa Hood was more than just a grandfather to Sam. As Sam eagerly told everyone, they were best buddies. Long before my father became ill, Sam and I watched the movie Anne of Green Gables. In the scene when Anne wished aloud for a bosom friend, Sam sat straight up. "That's me and Pa," he declared. "Bosom friends forever and ever." My father described their relationship the same way. When I went out of town to teach one night a week, it was Pa in his red picku p truck who met Sam at school and brought him back to his house, where they played pirates and knights and Robin Hood. They even dressed alike: pocket T-shirts, baseball caps, and jeans. Sam had over nights with Pa, where they'd cuddle until late at night and giggle when my mother ordered them to be quiet and go to sleep. The next morning they'd indulge in sugary cereals and cartoons, treats forbidden at home. They had special restaurants they frequented, playgrounds where they were regulars, and toy stores where Pa allowed Sam to race up and down the aisles on motorized cars. When I'd arrive to take Sam home, he always cried. "Pa, I love you. I miss you already!" He memorized my father's phone number when he was 2 and called him every morning and every night. "Pa," Sam would ask, clutching the phone, "can I call you ten hundred more times?" Pa always said yes, and then answered the phone each time with equal delight. In the months that my father was in the hospital with lung cancer, I worried about how Sam would react to Pa's condition the bruises, from needles, the oxygen tubes, his weakened body. When I explained to Sam that seeing Pa so sick might scare him, Sam was surprised. "He's my Pa," he said. "He could never scare me." And he never did. Sam would walk into the hospital room and climb right into bed with my father, undaunted by the changes in Pa's appearance or in the increasing amount of medical apparatus he acquired every day. I watched adults approach the bedside with great trepidation, unsure of what to say or do. But Sam seemed to know exactly what was right: hugs and jokes, just as always. "Are you coming home soon?" he'd ask. "I'm trying," Pa would tell him. Since my father's death, I have kept my overwhelming sadness at bay. When well-meaning people approach me to ask how I'm doing, their brows furrowed in sympathy, I give them a short answer and swiftly change the subject. I'd rather not confront the questions and the feelings that my dad's death has raised. But Sam is different. He thinks that wondering aloud and sorting out together is the best way to understand. "So," he says, settling into his car seat, "Pa's in space, right?" Or loudly in church, where he points upward to the stained-glass window: Is one of those angels Pa?" Right after my father died, I told Sam he was in heaven. "Where's heaven?" Sam asked. "No one knows exactly," I said, "but lots of people think it's in the sky." Sam thought about that and then shook his head. "No," he said, "it's very far away. Near Cambodia." "When you die," he said on another afternoon, "you disappear, right? And when you faint, you only disappear a little. Right?" Each time he offers one of these possibilities he waits for me to confirm i t as true. He is sorting out the things he's certain of and the things he's trying to understand. I think his questions are good. The part I have trouble dealing with is what he always does after he asks: He looks me right in the eye with more hope than I can stand and waits for my approval or correction or wisdom. But in this matter, my own fear and ignorance are so large that I grow dumb in the face of his innocence. The truth is, I have no answer to the question we struggle hardest with: How can we find a way to be with my father when we don't know where or even if he is? Remembering Sam's approach to my father's illness, I began to watch his approach to grief. At night, he would press his face against his bedroom window and cry, calling out into the darkness, "Pa, Pa, I love you! Sweet dreams!" Then, after his crying stopped, he would climb into bed, drained but satisfied somehow, and sleep. I, on the other hand, would wander the house all night, not knowing how to mourn. One day, in the supermarket parking lot, I caught sight of a red truck like my father's; for an instant I forgot he had died. My heart leaped as I thought, Dad's here shopping too! Then I remembered, and I succumbed to an onslaught of tears. Sam climbed into the front seat, jamming himself onto my lap between me and the steering wheel. "I know," he soothed, wiping my wet cheeks. "You miss Pa, don't you?" I managed to nod. "Me too," he said. "But you have to believe he's with us, Mommy. Watching and loving us. You have to believe that, or what will we ever do?" Too young to attach to a particular ideology, Sam had simply decided that the only way to deal with grief and loss was to believe that death does not really separate us from those we love. I couldn't show him heaven on a map or explain the course a soul might travel. But he found his own way to cope. I can't honestly say that I've fully accepted my father's death, even all these months later. But my son has taught me a lot about how to grieve. Recently, while I was cooking dinner, Sam sat by himself at the kitchen table and quietly colored in his Spiderman coloring book. "I love you too," he said. I laughed and turned to face him. "No," I told him. "You say, 'I love you too only after someone says, 'I love you first." "I know that," Sam said. "Pa just said 'I love you, Sam' and I said 'I love you too. " As he spoke, he kept coloring and smiling. "Pa just talked to you?" I asked. "Oh, Mommy," Sam said, "he tells me he loves me every day. He tells you too. You're just not listening." Again, I have begun to take Sam's lead. I have begun to listen.
Unknown author

borrowed concepts...

Sometimes we read or hear something and are very inspired.We seem tuned in to the thoughts expressed. Or we build up an image of someone or something post an expression by them. Gail Wynand , one of the characters in Ayn Rand's Fountainhead makes a statement to the effect that when he is impressed by a creation, he avoids the creator for the creator is generally a let-down.Very insightful.Our associations of images with expressions are our "own".
Ironically, Ayn Rand , who has inspired millions the world over is reported to me a miserable failure herself. She ended up "killing herself", a generic acknowledgement of "defeat" in life. The same happened with another popular icon, Dale Carnegie.
The same is true when we meet people and form "images".Thus people working with ngos have a certain "mind-construct" within us; or people who have spiritual leanings.Our own perception of these labels and associations with it come into active play. So what we see, read about or hear is not "just"; it involves our perceptions and mental conditionings in interpretations.
To be able to "see" things as they are we have to be aware of our conditioning and "mind positionality" patterns.
Are our sharings and perspectives more often than not our "projections" or "fantasies" or "borrowed thoughts"?

August 21, 2005

rituals...

Sometimes, time-tested and elementary life parameters we have inherited do not make sense to us. But then, so do a lot of contemporary parameters. Ritual has always been a part of life and would continue to be so. It is only the "content" of rituals that change.
Closer observation shows that we have always been superstitious and even now are; only the modes of expression change.
But then, some of us are impulsively very judgemental and critical of rituals of yore without analysing or exploring it.
I had a personal experience which was very enlightening. My master insists on us offering gratitude to our parents through the "sastanga pranam" , falling absolutely flat on our stomach and touching their feet. I have always been resistive to "gestures". Time and again, He would emphasize on its importance for the flow of Grace in our lives. I never used to do it.


A few months back, when I was enjoying "impediments" or blocks in key functional areas of my life, I just decided to give it a try. Inspite of my best efforts, an unseen wall used to block progress in key areas of my life.

I started offering "gratitude" to my departed father as a manas pooja and started doing the full namaskaram to my mother every morning as i started my day. For the last few years, I have also been more and more aware of the constant "judgement" I pass on her. While I have not eliminated this totally from my system, it has shown a marked improvement. I am able to accept her as she is much more.
And as my acceptance levels increase, I see the flood of grace flow more and more. My efforts bear more fruit.
I would request each one of you to try this. It may seem very awkward at first. But, take my word for it, it is a universal healer for manifold problems in our life.Irrespective of how different our parents perceptions maybe from ours, we have no right to judge them.
We can still retain our spaces...and take personal decisions where they matter....but our parents are a key medium for the flow of Grace in our lives....

institutionalised behaviour....

A strange aspect of our lives is our seeming "ability" to be courteous and civil to absolute strangers while being "unable " to do the same with our near and dear ones. We are horrific in our absolute lack of basic courtesies to our "own" people.We can hug a stranger but find it difficult to hug our mothers. It has been true for me. There is a certain awkwardness which creeps in, a discomfort..Inner freedom is marked by its absence. It is more like a forced gesture.
We are unable to be ourselves with our own people.We resent their intrusion of our space. We are accustomed to being judged and judging in return. Simplicity and integrity of expression is greeted more often than not with mistrust, a suspicion of intent. Guess a lot has to do also with the cultures we are a part of. "Duty" is an oft-repeated word in Indian households.Everything has to be the way it is "supposed" to be. Thus, we have definitions and associations with various relationships. We strive to reach this "projected ideal" of the way certain things are meant to be.
Thus, a "husband" is expected to behave in a certain fashion and he goes about doing it morosely and in a state of absolute disinterest. The same is true of the wife. A child is "expected" to take care of a parent and vice-versa. Seemingly "right" things are done as a "role-play"; no life , no enthusiasm, no energy to it.
As a person who has had opportunity to meet a lot of people in the context of "problems" they face, I have had some pretty revealing insights. For a lot of Indian parents, the "marriage" of their children is a cause of great concern.They do a lot of prayers, follow a lot of rituals to ensure it and so on. It is definitely an expression of their concern from their points of view.
However, in all these years, I have never come across any parent praying for the "well-being" and the "joy" of their children. It is more from an aspect of "completion of duty". On discussion, I have been told that it is a "given". But I do wonder....for we are so unconscious.
Please note , I am not judging or condemning them here. It is just a tragic manifestation of the death within all of us. We live in "concepts" rather than in "realtime". We operate from a need to be "correct" or rather be "seen" as being "correct". And correctness is always contextual and a matter of perceptions.
In the above quest, we die as spontaneous humans.We lose touch with our "realities" and live and operate in deceit; folling oiurselves primarily and those around us.

Tragic.....

We have institutionalised the way we have to behave. All of us make the courtesy " How are you...." call on people. How many of us actually mean it? Or listen to the reply of the person. Plastic smiles and gestures abound. The stench of death within suffocates us.

As the famed red - Indian chief mentioned in his immortal speech, "The end of living and the beginning of survival...."

attitude "energizes"......

A tiny pebble idly tossed
into the placid stream;
with gentle splash it sinks from sight,
and never again is seen.
But outward from that central splash,
the spreading ripples tend....
who knows on what distant shore,
the spreading impulse ends......
We normally see the impacts of our actions as only that which is visible immediately. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Every thought, every act, every word of ours is released into the vast universe and the impacts can far reaching.The inter-connects are astounding.The abuse of a butterfly in India by clipping its wings can affect the rainfall in Australia!!!!!!


I remember being told of an event at my university. A group of villagers had come to my master to seek help regarding the chronic drought situation in their village and around it. My master gave them a patient hearing and just told them, "Stop beating and ill-treating your womenfolk in your state of drunkenness. Everything would change."

They went back and did it and lo and behold, it started raining in their village.

We are normally dead; unaware and unconscious of our deeds and their impacts.

No action, word or deed of ours ever goes unrewarded. It is infalliable.

We have to be aware of the absence of the "sacredness" in every moment of our lives.
Sacredness is not the ambience in a black-boxed event qualified by the set of events or the place of its happening. It is not something which has to manifest only in moments of worship. No act by itself is sacred or unsacred; spiritual or unspiritual. Spirituality is the attitude we bring in to an activity, not a set of activities by themselves. Spirituality is the absence of conflict.

Any activity howsoever mundane can be lifted to great heights by the state of the performer.

It is attitude which "energizes" action.

August 20, 2005

Jokes etc...

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter,Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word,right up to the end of the prayer:"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen."
"What did the zen monk ask his beloved? .....Shall i enter your emptiness or let you enter into mine...Can we unite in Oneness?"

Our deepest fear....

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make and manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Author - Marianne Williamson

August 19, 2005

Some satori-like insights which have hit me.....

  • In-dividual - one who is not divided inside.

  • Dis-ease - never saw that word that way before.

  • In true freedom, there is no choice.

  • In total surrender and acceptance lies our freedom.

  • Deep down, every human knows he is nobody and nothing, he is only trying to be someone and something.

  • The intrinsic "nature" of all "experience" is bliss.It is not dependant on the "content" of the experience ; it is rather dependant on the "process" of "experiencing".

  • At the core of every human being today, there is only a collection of hurts and pain.

  • Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

  • The edifice of all human achievement is born in trauma.

  • Events are not the "cause" of "suffering".The "suffering" within us "manifests" as "events" in our individual universes.

  • No projected "ideal" has ever borne fruit.

  • Life is Relationships.

  • The "purpose" of life is to "live".

  • Sufi Wisdom :Love is to stand before your Beloved, striped naked of all attributes, so that His qualities become your qualities.

  • Al-Haiiaj

  • When you think outside the box, the box goes away.

Richard R. Reisman


  • Colloquial love - He needs her need of him; she needs his need of her.

  • When a candle is brought into a dark room, darkness moves away. Darkness is not"removed" by effort.It is an outcome of the candle-flame's entry. Similarly, awareness is freedom. It is not a means to "freedom".The dawn of awareness is the dissolution of ignorance. It is not the "path" to a "goal". It is the "goal".

  • For one who wants to directly experience the "path", the normal mind is the path. What is meant by the "normal mind?" It is the mind that is free from construction and production, right and wrong, clinging and rejection, ordinary and saint. It is your everyday walking, standing, sitting and lying down, ypur personal encounters and contacts with things, which are entirely just this path.- Ma tsu Tao.

  • "He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever." - Chinese Proverb
  • Paradoxes rest at peace with each other as the frame of reference changes.East, west, north and south are within the context of planet earth. They disappear as we move higher away from the earth.
  • There are no truths, only perceptions. "Facts" exist, however.
  • Your thoughts are not your thoughts; your mind is not your mind; your body is not your body; your "self" is only a concept..
  • Simplicity is a quality of “facts”.

The world is your mirror....

The good you find in others, is in you too. The faults you find in others, are your faults as well.After all, to recognize something you must know it. The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well. The beauty you see around you, is your beauty. The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you the person you are. To change your world, you must change yourself. To blame and complain will only make matters worse. Whatever you care about, is your responsibility. What you see in others, shows you yourself. See the best in others, and you will be your best. Give to others, and you give to yourself. Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful. Admire creativity, and you will be creative. Love, and you will be loved. Seek to understand, and you will be understood. Listen, and your voice will be heard. Teach, and you will learn.
Unknown author

August 18, 2005

The Art of Suffering.....

An event occurs;it causes us "pain".A routine occurance.

And what is our routine "response"?

Response 1: We go backwards and "focus" on the cause of the pain.It could be a person.We see the person as the "cause" of our situation and rant and rave about them., either directly or indirectly.We dissipate our energies without any discernible outcomes.

Response 2:We travel ahead in our thoughts and focus on a "projected" solution to the event.Again, no movement in our status.

In either of the above, we are absent in the "moment", we are either behind or ahead.

The "reality" of the moment is "pain".Pure and unadulterated by our perceptions.

It is just raw pain.

The "key" is to just see it as it is.No justifications, no accusations, no projections.

Just "be" there."
"Experience" the pain totally.

In one of my greatest breakthroughs through Grace, I discovered that "The intrinsic nature of all "experience" is bliss".It does not depend upon the "content" of the experience.The "process" of "experiencing" in itself is "bliss".

The result is a "dissolution" of the suffering connected to the problem or the "emergence" of a solution.

Inner world aspects demand "active passivity" of approach."Effort" does not work here.

The outer world , however needs "effort" in addition to intent.

Thus, if we have lost a job which is causing us pain, we have to use the technique above for our inner world response to the situtaion.The outer world demands that we keep "trying" for fresh opportunities.

The Nature of Pain...

Various events cause us pain or so we think.It could be a heartbreak, it could be a financial crisis, it could be a relationship crisis.

Careful observation shows us a great key in understanding pain.Pain, by itself is the same.It does not depend on its causal factors except in matters of intensity of expression.One cannot in essence differentiate between the pain caused by a heartbreak and the pain caused by a financial crisis.

The pain is intrinsic to us; it manifests through the catalyst of an external event.The event is not the "cause" of the pain; it is a medium of expression of pain which is intrinsic to us.

The pain is a constant within us.When we feel we have got a release from something, it merely means that it has changed its manifestation.Thus, we may be in the throes of a relationship crisis, causing unbearable stress to us.After a while, it metamorphoses into a migraine or a sinusitis inflammation.Thus psychological pain converts to physical pain which is more "manageable".

The sum total of the various aspects of pain remains a constant at all times.

Three kinds of pain essentially manifest in our lives; physical pain, psychological pain and spiritual pain. Generations and lifetimes of "sorrow management" techniques have ensured that most of us are very rarely in touch with our spiritual pain."Boredom", "meaninglessness", "seeking a sense of purpose"; these aspects manifest sometimes.But we generally drown it in our activity centred escapades.

To be in "touch" with our spiritual suffering, in my opinion is amongst the rarest of rarest of spiritual blessings.

Being in touch with pain is the bridge to "liberation" from pain fundamentally, not a transit across its various manifestations.

All Science is Poetry...

We often hear of conflicts between scientifc and spiritual tenets.I operate from a viewpoint that they are complementary, never at loggerheads.

All of today's technology and applied science is based fundamentally on the "concept" of "zero".The first 2 postulates of mathematics empirically defining "zero" are never questioned, never challenged.And where has this emerged from; in a mystical insightful experience of the ancient Indian mathematician, Aryabhata.All of engineering and calculus and allied sciences would be non-existent without this empirical definition.and so would televisions and calculators and pdas and washing machines and so on....

Where does organic chemistry find its roots; in Kekule's mystical dream of the snakes...

A true scientific attitude calls for an intelligent, open explore.the domain of possibilities is infinite.

To learn is to unlearn...

In a meeting with my master, he asked me, Sundar, I hear Jiddu through you, I hear Vivekananda through you, I hear Osho through you, I hear Richard Bach, Kahlil Gibran through you........but where are you?Why don't I ever hear you?
It hit me like a bolt of lightning.precise and focussed.just ripped through my defenses.
I was like a trash can, carrying the burden of so many second hand thoughts and viewpoints.While I could intellectually appreciate some of them, they were not my realities, they were mere concepts.They were "projected ideals", totally disconnected from the reality of my existence.What they expressed was a reality to them, what I am now expressing is a reality to me.
My reality at the time was misery, discontent, resentment,conflict at every step,absolute lack of joy......
and i was running away from it.escaping in the milion activities that kept me engrossed, escaping in intellectual verbose,finding security behind convenient concepts and so on.
It was like all the concepts that I had accumalated were just that , accumalations.They just added to the loads I already had from my various conditionings.
The process got triggered....
Things just started "happening".

events, the cause of misery or misery, the cause of events...

Individually and collectively, we crib at events as they occur.We are not happy with their occurance.We question them, we question their presence."Why is it happening to me?" is a common colloquial phrase.

Can we pause to explore?

Do events cause our misery or is it our inner misery which reflects as events outside?

Are events a platform of expression of our inner states?

My explore has shown me that it is indeed true.We strive for changes in the world of manifestations when our focus should be on the platform of conception.The "manifestation" of events is a "happening" which depends on intent as well as effort.We put in a lot of efforts without much focus on the intent and its emergence.The intenet is a critical energizer to efforts and is in itself dependent on a host of things, some visible , others not.

As we go deeper within ourselves, we become aware of layers upon layers and layers of our conditionings and mental formations.Each of these layers facilitates emergence of events in our lives.And as we beocme aware, we are released of the conditionings; until we experience a total liberation from the mind and its contents.and just experience and live life; bereft of the filters.

authenticate for urself....

The whole world seeks happiness as a "collective".Efforts abound in trying to make it happen.Each one of us has our understanding of the causes and solutions towards it.But our attempts only seem to add to the chaos and confusion.Thus, we crave for peace, but endlessly create wars and conflicts; we yearn for joy but end up being disappointed;all our projected ideals remain just that - projections of our aspirations.The reality remains familiar, yet there is a disconnect.

Can we see it differently?

We seem to be addressing the symptoms rather than the root causes.While components of the system remain as they are, we seek a change in the summation.Rearranging the parts can create a cosmetic illusion, nothing beyond.Thus, we play around with perceptions, strategies etc while the fundamentals remain the same.
And what are the fundamentals?

Man as an individual is ridden with conflicts.He is a 100 different parts himself; conflicts and confusions reign supreme within him; joy and sponstaineity are distinctly lacking.Hurts,rejection and pain qualify the core of his being.

Given such a situtaion, is he capable of contributing to healing processes of the collective, is the moot question?

Insights that occured in my life indicate otherwise.When the micro processes get healed, the macro has to respond.The seeds of change lie in the micro.And a morphogenetic quantum of micro level changes can enable a paradigm shift in the macro.Yes, the responsibility lies with each one of us.To address our conflicts, pain and hurts within...just see our states integrally, without condemnation, judgement or guilt.It is just the way we are.No justifications, no explanations.
Helpless....
Seeing ourselves as we are unfolds a miracle in creation.It is a "happening" , not a matter of effort.A flood of creative energies flow through us re-aligning our erroneous perceptions.
Awareness is not the means to an end, it is an end by itself.

This is not intellectual masturbation.Try it out for yourself.Authenticate it personally.
Do not try to love; it is pathetic; instead become aware of the absence of love; the death of feeling within, the unabashed abuse of people in our lives, cloaked elaborately in declarations of love and caring.
But a word of caution; it is not easy to accept ourselves as we are when we see ourselves as manipulators and abusers; insensitive to the core.This is the greatest challenge; not escaping into guilt trips,not condemning ourselves, just seeing things as they are.
Then watch the miracle of life unfold, just as it is, pristine pure and unadulterated by conditioning.